Divorce Lesson #2

Just before the bridge scene

(In case you missed it, you can read Divorce Lesson #1 here.)

It’s been almost 5 weeks now since the D-word landed like a hawk on my shoulder, digging claws in tight to let me know it’s not going away, the heavy weight a constant reminder. In this short but life-changing span of time, I’ve already been passing through phases– complete physical and emotional devastation that left me barely functioning, denial and trying to be super-pleasing to try and make him change his mind, anger, learning to ask for what I want and need (as I figure that out), and coming to a place where I am still raw and feeling tons of feelings, but I can have a few good hours and enjoy something. I can even have a whole good day, which is a miracle and a relief. That good day may be followed by a devastating plunge, but I know I’m on a rollercoaster right now, rapid-pace and full of highs and lows.

I’m also a sponge right now– talking to lots of people, reading lots of things, soaking in knowledge and insight to help me navigate through all this, but also to help me process my feelings and find the parts of myself that I lost or let atrophy over the years. For me, this is not just a divorce but a soul-quest…

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Divorce Lesson #1

Photo by Bob Alberti

I’ve suddenly entered a new place in my life, traversing territory I never thought I would. A few weeks ago my husband told me he wants a divorce, and it was unexpected for me. This new landscape has been full of heartbreak, grief, anger, fear, anxiety, panic, denial, sleeplessness, PTSD reactions, and loss of appetite. I can’t say it’s been fun, but I’m learning a lot right now.

This post isn’t about the divorce itself– we put out a Facebook announcement about it (which you can read here, if you want) and have talked about it to people way too much. Suffice it to say, we are going to do this in as loving and nurturing way possible, and keep our friendship and closeness intact. Some people say it can’t be done. We are choosing to believe otherwise.

I wanted to write this post to start sharing some of what I’ve been learning in this process. It’s only been 3-plus weeks, and it seems more like a year has passed in how much has happened and changed–

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Say Yes

Resized Ang and me_n

I’ve had a rough week. Due to a stressful situation, there’s been tears, sleepless nights (it’s 3:30 am now), panicky-PTSD episodes, and a whole mix of feelings. I’m not a night person, so it’s been strange and new to be awake in the middle of the night so much. As hard as it’s been, I’ve been having some amazing epiphanies, so I’m embracing the silver lining in this cloud.

I’m also on the verge of turning 50 on Tuesday, so reflections and new awareness is all a part of the package right now. It’s a big milestone, half a century, and a time of great change for me as my kids are all young adults and growing into their own lives. We’re not empty-nesters quite yet, but things have shifted much at home, and soon we will be. After years of pouring my physical and emotional energy into raising kids, I’m poking my head up and looking around. What’s next? What will I do? Who do I want to be?

Tonight, after 4 hours of precious sleep (hey, I’ll take it!) I woke up and lay in bed, trying to fall back again. My problem is my mind starts thinking, and it’s hard to shut it off. Tonight I’m kind of glad it happened, though, because it was another epiphany, a big one. Let me tell you a little story about it….

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All This DRAMA in Our Life

Principia Discordia

Did you hear that sound? One giant whooooosh as we all collapse in a heap now that the Minnesota Fringe Festival is done (not to mention all the other directors, actors, staff and volunteers involved all over the city also collapsing). This was the first time our family got an inside view of what it takes to create and perform in a Fringe play, thanks to my husband Bob.

A few years ago, Bob started talking about an idea he had — he wanted to create a performance where…

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