My new plan has been to blog 3 times a week. It’s a challenging idea (ack! what the heck will I write about?) that would move me in a direction I want to go with my writing. But last week, Dear Reader, I did not.
I had planned to. It was my intention to. Then I got anxious as the days of the week went by. I couldn’t settle on anything to write. A poem? An observation? Something funny? I dunno. I found myself repeatedly running away from the blank page and screen. Some might call it writer’s block, but truthfully, I knew what it really was: perfectionism kicking my a** (again).
For about 18 months before my first knee surgery, I was in worsening chronic pain that greatly limited me and affected the quality of my life. It was a huge lesson for me in PAIN, what it’s really like and how much it can impact all the hours of a day. I know people who have been in pain like this for decades, people I care about, and yet I really didn’t understand it at all. I wanted to write a poem that would try to express (to the best of my ability) the nitty-gritty experience of pain. Let’s see how I did…
Dedicated to the Sufferers Continue reading
Somedays, that’s what it’s about. Riding the waves of another emotionally triggering episode, treading water, trying to keep my head above water. Somedays, like today.
I’ve been in therapy for a gazillion years, with many talented therapists, and I’ve learned a lot. There have been so many issues for me to work through, and I’m really grateful for it. But it’s only been in the last year or so that I’ve learned about C-PTSD, or Complex PTSD. I mean, I’m an anxious person for sure, and I have PTSD-type reactions… but it seemed like it was only a diagnosis for people who’d been in acutely traumatic scenarios, like war or rape. And while I certainly have THINGS I need to recover from, it wasn’t anything like that. Continue reading