It’s been since January that I last blogged??? Time flies!
The truth is, I’ve been waiting to blog, putting it on the back-burner while the whole pot of me simmers. I’ve been doing so much work on feelings and self-transformation, tons and tons of therapy, learning about myself, and letting all of it soak in and gel. A lot of changes going on for me, many of them internal but big, nonetheless. And the time is coming– soon I think– for me to write about them.
But for now, I’ll share a recent poem that touches on some of my stuff. And I’m sending you my love, too– it’s been a tough year with a lot of tragedy and turmoil. Let’s all hang in there.
Falling in Love…
I am thinking a lot about forks lately. Not the eating utensil kind (though I have been wondering where the heck ours have been going… thrown in the garbage? Under someone’s bed?), but as I’m Waking Up in my own life, I’m looking at the forks in my day. I’m discovering there are a LOT.
The kind of forks I’m talking about are the proverbial Forks-in-the-Road. If you prefer to be more plain about it, they are the myriad Choices we make in a day. It’s like living in a Choose Your Own Adventure story (remember those?). Whatever words you put to it, I’m finding that there’s a lot of power in becoming aware of these moments of choice– it can be rather daunting too, because when you discover that you are indeed choosing your own adventure, well, who is there to blame for your choices?
Who chose this path? Um, that would be, Me. (gulp) Continue reading
So, that was a year. Quite a year, indeed.
I’m sitting here in the waning hours of 2015, looking back at a most momentous year of change, upheaval, growth, pain, joy, discovery and transformation. Even though I lived through it, I can hardly believe all that happened. The year opened rather darkly, with Bob moving out into an apartment on an Awful-Awful day in the continuing saga of the divorce he’d asked me for.
Hi folks, it’s been awhile. I’ve been wanting to write but the summer somehow passed in a blur, and I’ve been unsure about what I want to say. After this wild year, I think I’ve needed time to catch my breath and digest what I’ve been through.
But yes, it is a year this September since Bob told me he wanted a divorce. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed already. It’s been a period of chaos, commotion, heartbreak and loss, but also growth, discovery, healing and connection. My life is so different from where it was a year ago, and I am different too. It’s a good time to look at where I am now, and where I’m heading.
But first, where was I a year ago? I can see now I was stuck in many areas of my life. I was stuck at 305 lbs and using food daily to manage my feelings. I couldn’t handle fear and anxiety (among other things), and I wasn’t able to face things I needed to move forward on– getting a job, writing, promoting myself, dealing with my clutter issues. After years of obesity, my body was suffering from disabling pain every day and this kept limiting me. I was able to do less and less, and I hated that.