So, that was a year. Quite a year, indeed.
I’m sitting here in the waning hours of 2015, looking back at a most momentous year of change, upheaval, growth, pain, joy, discovery and transformation. Even though I lived through it, I can hardly believe all that happened. The year opened rather darkly, with Bob moving out into an apartment on an Awful-Awful day in the continuing saga of the divorce he’d asked me for.
And then… in a rather unexpected turn of events, we began dating, much to the surprise of everyone around us. Our work to improve our relationship so that we could have a good “conscious uncoupling” resulted in big changes in our selves, and our new honesty and openness with each other resulted in big changes in the ways we related. We worked extremely hard and fell in love with each other again, in spite of (or maybe even because of) more long, upsetting conversations about feelings and issues than you could possibly imagine!
And then there were the trips, which just kept coming one after another. We have never travelled like this before– there were the trips to England and Iceland, then Ireland. We had a road trip to Denver and several weekend stays at B&Bs. All of them felt like little miracles dropped in our laps… not one of them a glimmer in my mind back last December 31. Now they are memories I treasure.
I lost a bunch of weight and discovered life with a new body. I started working temp jobs and was out in the workplace for the first time in over 24 years, finding myself in over a dozen companies this year. My daughter moved out, my son moved home from college after deciding not to go back, and I have two other people renting rooms in my house, which is a very new experience.
Bob and I renewed our relationship, determined to keep working on healthier communications and behaviors and our own personal development., We decided to stay married and exchanged new rings, and currently still live separately (honestly, there are good things about that, and some really hard things about that for me; it’s another thing to work through and be brave with each other about).
After all this (and other details, not mentioned here)– it’s kind of intimidating to sit here, looking back, and wonder what the heck could possibly be around the corner in the new year. I had no clue any of this would happen in 2015. I’m not sure I would’ve believed it if anyone had told me!
And so, with humbleness and awe, I open myself to the opportunities and uncertainties of the year ahead. I’m not really making resolutions, but I’m thinking about my life and what I want to focus on. I want to continue on the path toward health in body, mind and spirit. I want to get rid of the clutter of my past baggage– not let old fears and negativity get in my way, try more new things, allow myself to embrace my creativity and imagination more. I want to write the things I’ve been afraid to write. Something has held me back for a very long time. I want to let myself do it, even if it’s uncomfortable or scary.
And blogging— I’ve let busyness and perfectionism get in the way of writing here more often. I have ideas that I’ve wanted to share, but my old way of blogging involves too many steps, trying to get it perfect, finding the right images, and I’ve let all that get in my way. I have learned so much this last year and I feel pulled to share it, to start discussions, to help others the way that I’ve been helped by so many. So I want to free myself to just do it, write it quickly, share it, and give up the “getting it perfect” part. It’s vulnerable for me to blog, and I want to toughen up my skin and allow myself to seek only my own approval.
Thank you to all of you who’ve followed along on my ride this last year. I’ve received so much support and so many amazing comments. I’ve been touched to read that some of you have been helped by what I’ve shared. I can only help because I’ve been helped by so many people who’ve shared their stories and lessons with me. Writing about this growth-stuff helps me to process and integrate what I’ve learned.
Happy, healthy, safe and wondrous new year to you all, my friends! May it be a year of miracles, growth and opportunity for us all!