musings, life lessons & poetry from Theresa Jarosz Alberti

Tag: Brene Brown

The Messy Middle Is Where It’s At

I think I’ve written about the Messy Middle before. Probably because that’s where I’m usually hanging out!

But no one else is, right?

As someone who grew up with a perfectionistic judgey voice in my head, I imagine that almost everyone else is keeping up much better than I am, That You All have some secret to life and are happy and organized and getting your stuff done, that I haven’t figured out yet. I see you #livingyourbestlife on Instagram and Facebook… that’s the way it is for you, right?

And me, I’m always feeling like I’m running-running-running, trying to catch up. I’m always behind.

I get it– this is all a myth, one that’s out there, one that’s in my head. The “everybody else has it figured out and I’m failing” myth. We all usually post photos of the good days, the special days, the pretty days. When I look at those posts, I compare my shit-days to your good-days, and then I’m back to judging myself. This is not a good plan to live by.

So I pause and remember to breathe, tell myself it’s okay, perfectionism isn’t a goal because it isn’t real or remotely possible. I can look around my Messy Middle Life and (breathe again) count the things I’m grateful for. There are so many. Remember comparison is the thief of joy (I think Brené Brown said that). It’s just good and okay to be here in my Messy Middle Life on my Messy Middle Couch. It really is.


Photo by Sahin Sezer Dincer on Unsplash.com

Perfectionism Kicks My A** (again)

My new plan has been to blog 3 times a week. It’s a challenging idea (ack! what the heck will I write about?) that would move me in a direction I want to go with my writing. But last week, Dear Reader, I did not.

I had planned to. It was my intention to. Then I got anxious as the days of the week went by. I couldn’t settle on anything to write. A poem? An observation? Something funny? I dunno. I found myself repeatedly running away from the blank page and screen. Some might call it writer’s block, but truthfully, I knew what it really was:  perfectionism kicking my a** (again).

Continue reading

Divorce Lesson #6

December has been a ridiculously busy month. I worked hard on finishing a children’s nonfiction book on Russia that I was hired to write. We had a holiday arts & craft sale at our art gallery that took a lot of work. Bob and I took a 2-night trip out of town for R&R. Someone in the family had surgery, requiring days of recovery and care-taking. Plenty of social events too. Also gearing up for big changes in our living situations (hard). And oh yeah, all that getting-ready-for-Christmas business.

It’s still an emotional time around here, too. While my feelings aren’t as raw as the first month, I still feel the roller-coaster effect of riding high for a while and then plummeting down, and increasing calm spells. I’m learning to allow ALL the feelings to flow in a way I never have before— sadness, anger, grief, fear, and yes, even joy. The mask that I wore for so much of my life, the one that covered all my feelings so I could keep up a pleasing façade—that mask has fallen to the ground and shattered. I’m feeling rather oddly new. Continue reading

What Gratitude and My Birthday Taught Me

 

gratitude_thich_nhat_hanh-514723

I’ve been hearing a lot about gratitude lately.  I remember it casually being mentioned years ago… probably when Oprah started talking about the importance of keeping a Gratitude Journal.  I did dabble in it for a while (I love journals and pens!), but nothing made it stick.  Now, with the flow of information coming to me from Facebook, videos, internet articles, books, I keep getting little pings into my consciousness… “gratitude is important, gratitude is important…”

How important?  I mean, we can say Gratitude is Important till the cows come home, but a skeptic like me needs a little proof.  For me, that has come in the form of a quote from Dr. Brene Brown, a shame and vulnerability researcher, and author of many books, including the current bestseller, Daring Greatly.  She says that after 12 years of research and 11,000 pieces of data:

“I did not interview in all that time a person who would describe themselves as joyful, or describe their lives as joyous, who didn’t actively practice gratitude.”

She goes on to say:  “…practicing gratitude invites joy into our lives… When I say practice gratitude, I don’t mean the attitude of gratitude or feeling grateful, I mean practicing gratitude.  These folks shared in common a tangible gratitude practice.”*

Wow, this really struck me.  I have to admit, I’m not a particularly joyful person… Continue reading

© 2024 Pen and Moon

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑