Dear Readers, it’s time to tell you that Bob and I are separated and moving towards divorce. He moved out last May. It’s been hard and heartbreaking. It’s also been such an odd summer of learning to live alone amidst the pandemic and the racial reckoning in Minneapolis. We were together for 32 years, and for both of us, more than half of our lives has been lived with each other, intertwined, creating a family, close and sharing everything. It’s a big, sad change. Continue reading
Some of you may remember four years ago when I was posting Divorce Lessons. I was going through a pretty traumatic time in my life after Bob had asked for a divorce in September 2014. I started blogging about what I was going through and what I was learning in those raw, vulnerable months. In Lesson #5, I posted about what our Thanksgiving looked like that year, and how I was making changes to create new routines, a possibly New Normal at a time when nothing felt normal.
I’m reposting it today. I’m finding that as I look back at that time and the many things I learned in the process are good for me to practice today. Of course, after going through many rocky months, much therapy, many changes, and Bob living in an apartment for almost two years, we did not get divorced. And that’s just one of the many things I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I hope you enjoy this repost, and have a very happy Thanksgiving, my friends!
[November 30, 2014] Technically, this Thanksgiving was the dreaded First Holiday. Maybe next year will be more drastically different since our living situation will have changed and we’ll be further down this road, but this year, with all the divorce-talk, the holiday has certainly had a different feel. Continue reading
I am thinking a lot about forks lately. Not the eating utensil kind (though I have been wondering where the heck ours have been going… thrown in the garbage? Under someone’s bed?), but as I’m Waking Up in my own life, I’m looking at the forks in my day. I’m discovering there are a LOT.
The kind of forks I’m talking about are the proverbial Forks-in-the-Road. If you prefer to be more plain about it, they are the myriad Choices we make in a day. It’s like living in a Choose Your Own Adventure story (remember those?). Whatever words you put to it, I’m finding that there’s a lot of power in becoming aware of these moments of choice– it can be rather daunting too, because when you discover that you are indeed choosing your own adventure, well, who is there to blame for your choices?
Who chose this path? Um, that would be, Me. (gulp) Continue reading
So, that was a year. Quite a year, indeed.
I’m sitting here in the waning hours of 2015, looking back at a most momentous year of change, upheaval, growth, pain, joy, discovery and transformation. Even though I lived through it, I can hardly believe all that happened. The year opened rather darkly, with Bob moving out into an apartment on an Awful-Awful day in the continuing saga of the divorce he’d asked me for.