Have you ever had such a swirl of emotions that you don’t know how to take the next step, or what to say? That’s where I find myself now, contradictory feelings battling it out. I’m excited and afraid, proud and full of doubt, brave one minute and whimpering the next. I’m standing on the diving board, stalling, and the time has come to jump.
I’ll tell you the easy and exciting part first. I have spent my pandemic so far writing a book, and I’m putting it out into the world today.
For a long time, I’ve wanted to try publishing a book on Kindle Direct and see what that’s like. Self-publishing has always appealed to me, and I know that authors earn a 70% royalty on books in a certain price point in Kindle. I’m so curious about the whole process– promoting and selling my book, learning the ins and outs of how to do that well, how to design the cover and format the book. I’m very proud of myself for working towards this goal, step by step, and now it is here! I am putting the book up for pre-sale orders today.
And now comes the vulnerability part. This is a book I have felt compelled to write, but the subject matter is not an easy topic for me to talk about. I believe it’s important and needs to be written about. Continue reading
Life has a way of circling around, doesn’t it? The Indigo Girls have a line in their song Watershed that goes
“Ending up where I started again
makes me want to stand still.”
On January 10, 2015, I was in a very similar place to where I am now. Then, it was facing divorce after being married to Bob for 25 years. Today, it is facing divorce after 31 years. Obviously, the divorce six years ago didn’t happen; we had a turn-about and changed our relationship and stayed together. After some really difficult times in the last few years, we are now getting the divorce. There will be no turn-about this time. The heartbreak and grief I was feeling 6 years ago have been back in full force this past year for me, as well as facing the changes that come with ending a marriage. It is a hard place to be.
In January 2015, Bob had just moved out, and I dealt with the heartbreak by throwing myself a party. It’s not that I was feeling jolly and wanted to celebrate. I needed my friends around me, and I needed something to look forward to. So I planned an unusual party, one where I had my guests paint on my walls and paint on ME. It really helped me so much, in so many ways. Continue reading
Dear Readers, it’s time to tell you that Bob and I are separated and moving towards divorce. He moved out last May. It’s been hard and heartbreaking. It’s also been such an odd summer of learning to live alone amidst the pandemic and the racial reckoning in Minneapolis. We were together for 32 years, and for both of us, more than half of our lives has been lived with each other, intertwined, creating a family, close and sharing everything. It’s a big, sad change. Continue reading
Some of you may remember four years ago when I was posting Divorce Lessons. I was going through a pretty traumatic time in my life after Bob had asked for a divorce in September 2014. I started blogging about what I was going through and what I was learning in those raw, vulnerable months. In Lesson #5, I posted about what our Thanksgiving looked like that year, and how I was making changes to create new routines, a possibly New Normal at a time when nothing felt normal.
I’m reposting it today. I’m finding that as I look back at that time and the many things I learned in the process are good for me to practice today. Of course, after going through many rocky months, much therapy, many changes, and Bob living in an apartment for almost two years, we did not get divorced. And that’s just one of the many things I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I hope you enjoy this repost, and have a very happy Thanksgiving, my friends!
[November 30, 2014] Technically, this Thanksgiving was the dreaded First Holiday. Maybe next year will be more drastically different since our living situation will have changed and we’ll be further down this road, but this year, with all the divorce-talk, the holiday has certainly had a different feel. Continue reading