It’s hard for me to believe I’ve been a mother for 29 years. Back in 1991 around this time I was pregnant with my twins, getting ready to move into our new house in June, looking ahead with excitement and nervousness to this new stage of life for Bob and me. We didn’t know in May that we’d have to jump through some scary hoops first, since I went into pre-term labor at 25 weeks three weeks after we’d moved in. We feared the babies would be born dangerously way too soon, so I spent 6 weeks in the hospital on bedrest (it was a miserable summer for me that year). Gennie and Leo still made us parents sooner than we thought, being born at 31 weeks, tiny but mostly healthy. My adventures in motherhood began with a bang, and I’m so grateful and happy for the highs and lows and work and fun that those twins and their younger brother Dante have brought us through.
I was thinking more about motherhood this week after reading a social media post by someone who is pregnant with her first child. She was thinking about what kind of mother she’d be, and hoping she’d raise a good person. My mind circled around on Nature vs. Nurture (I think it takes some of both), and then I started thinking about what makes a good mother. What does it take? Continue reading
I find myself in the peculiar position of dating my own husband, who is living separately in an apartment across town. I’ve said it before—we are not having any kind of a “typical” divorce. I’m sure that’s been at least a little bit evident, from that first announcement we put out on Facebook and my continued blog posts.
But in the four months since this started, things have morphed and changed as we’ve talked and worked hard on issues that have come up. We’ve had more deeply honest communication, more openness and more tenderness than we’ve had in ages. There’s been self-examination by both of us, a commitment to personal growth, and a willingness to live in a place of uncertainty. And, perhaps ironically, separation. Continue reading
(In case you missed it, you can read Divorce Lesson #1 here.)
It’s been almost 5 weeks now since the D-word landed like a hawk on my shoulder, digging claws in tight to let me know it’s not going away, the heavy weight a constant reminder. In this short but life-changing span of time, I’ve already been passing through phases– complete physical and emotional devastation that left me barely functioning, denial and trying to be super-pleasing to try and make him change his mind, anger, learning to ask for what I want and need (as I figure that out), and coming to a place where I am still raw and feeling tons of feelings, but I can have a few good hours and enjoy something. I can even have a whole good day, which is a miracle and a relief. That good day may be followed by a devastating plunge, but I know I’m on a rollercoaster right now, rapid-pace and full of highs and lows.
I’m also a sponge right now– talking to lots of people, reading lots of things, soaking in knowledge and insight to help me navigate through all this, but also to help me process my feelings and find the parts of myself that I lost or let atrophy over the years. For me, this is not just a divorce but a soul-quest… if I’m going to have to go through this, then I want to use it to make myself happier, more fulfilled, to find the true authentic me that I’ve been too afraid to embrace for so long.
Some people laughingly call this type of thing AFGO– Another F#%*@ Growth Opportunity, and it really is. I’ve had a ton of Miracle Grow dumped on me and my life has turned into one of those stop-motion flower-blooming videos. Amidst all the pain, it’s exciting and scary. I just can’t keep it all to myself, so if you’re willing to keep reading, here I go again… Continue reading