I know it may be hard to tell from my calm, cool demeanor (heh), but I’m actually a pretty anxious person. Maybe I have the central nervous system of Alice’s white rabbit. Or it could be the result of the family system I grew up in. Or maybe it’s just my own funzie personality… probably a combination of all of the above. I tend to look for the negative in everything first, sussing out what could possibly go wrong before I will believe it might work. I’m anxious about new situations or places, even though I power through and push myself to “do it anyway.” I anticipate and ruminate and fret and go over things in my mind a million times. You get the picture. Continue reading
I have been wanting to blog for a long time now… ideas have flitted through my mind, things I’m going through, topics that would be good for me to write about, and yet, nada. I write in my journal all the time, squeak out a few poems, but Pen and Moon has sat here, patiently waiting. And waiting. Twiddling its thumbs, occasionally sighing, but mostly, sitting in a Buddha-meditation pose and waiting for me.
Here’s the deal– what’s getting in my way is just plain ol’ PERFECTIONISM. I want to get it right, have it be beautiful, the bestest photos, the most thought-provoking and scintillating words. That’s what I’ve tried to do in the past. I like doing quality work, but the A+ mentality I’ve had all my life can really get in the way of just getting something done that’s good enough. As Bob likes to say (quoting Voltaire): “The perfect is the enemy of the good.” And that’s what keeps tripping me up, here and in many other parts of my life. Perfectionism paralyzes me, keeps me from getting anything done– “good enough” makes me anxious, keeps me walking on a tight rope in fear of falling off.
So I’m here today with the goal of getting back to blogging and letting it be a Non-Perfect Blog. I have a lot going on in my life right now– detours and crises, and I am up to my elbows in a place I hadn’t anticipated being. I’m deep into working on shit right now. It’s hard, it’s good, and I’ve got a lot to process and share. So that’s what I’m gonna do. Imperfectly. So, stay tuned if you’re interested. I’ll be writing more soon!